So I introduce to you a new series 'Time to Talk'. This is where I will be sharing with you some issues that really run deep for me. It's time to get serious as this is my blog, about me, not just beauty.
Bullying is a topic that I read alot about. It's an awful thing to experience and in recent years so much more is being done about it than when I was at school.
46% of young people admit to being bullied. That number is far too high.What about those who don't admit to it?
There is so much more awareness now and more and more victims are voicing their stories every single day.
And now it's time for me to share mine.
The majority of victims who share their stories find it extremely difficult.
For me, sharing it with you isn't.
Yes it's hard for me to tell my friends and even my boyfriend who I share everything with. Thinking about it, it's heartbreaking that it's a part of me the person I love the most doesn't know a thing about. But being someone who was bullied too ... he understands.
But right now it's you who I want to talk about it with. I see my blog as a safe place, where I like to escape to. I also want my readers to know more about me in the same way I want to know more about you!
Being bullied is a horrible experience, at the time it feels like the worst thing in the world. I can tell you, thats how it felt for me, but now about 8 years after the bullying stopped, it wasn't.
I was bullied at primary school and the first 3 years of high school, primarily by the same girl and whoever she was friends with at the time.
I don't know why she chose me. I'd like to know, but it isn't something that bothers me now. What bothers me is the amount of young (and not so young) people who feel like they can't stand up for themselves and that in some way they deserve it.
Let me tell you now, no one deserves it.
My experience of bullying was mainly verbal and mental, only ever physical once. But that is still once too many.
Every way the bullies could find to get to me, they did. It was constant and everyday. I tried so hard to shrug it off but just couldn't understand why it was happening to me. I'd never done anything to these girls to make them treat me this way. I would cry so much because of what was said to me and how I felt.
I learnt through the years who was to be trusted and who wasn't. And let me tell you it wasn't easy and there was more people not to be trusted.
One thing I'm proud to say is that it never affected my integrity. I always knew it was wrong and would try my best to stand up to the bullies, but it got draining.
Honestly I can not fathom why someone would want to make another human being feel so many negative emotions about themselves. Apparently it's a fact that alot of bullies were once bullied themselves. To me this raises the question of why you would put someone through the same horrors you were?
It's tough. And sometimes people saying 'it gets better' and such things just does not help at all. I know some people can forgive but I just can't. Why should I let the people who caused me (and consequently my family) so much pain? I don't hold a grudge against them but if I saw them in the street or a school reunion I can grantee you I would walk straight past them. And for that I do not apologise.
Not being able to forgive does not make me a weak person.
I was never popular at school, I wasn't thin but I wasn't obese, I'm not typically pretty but I'm not ugly either. I wasn't particularly different and didn't really stand out. To everyone else I was no one special, even to me I was just mediocre.
But I tell you now with 100% honesty, confidence and conviction:
- I believe in myself
- I love who I am now
- I have hang ups about the way I look (who doesn't) but I am comfortable with who I am and how I look.
- I truly believe that every single hardship I have ever faced in my life has helped to mold me into the young woman I am proud to be today.
- I am honest, I am compassionate, I am caring and I am selfless. (these are just some of the words my loved ones use to describe me and it makes me incredibly happy to know that they think so highly of me!).
I have a boyfriend who loves and adores me.
Friends who would move heaven and earth for me.
And a family who trusts and relies on me.
And even if I am no more than that, I am proud of myself.
I won't say 'thank you bullies - you made me who I am' because they don't deserve the credit.
It's me and my family who deserve it. I got through it and they were always there for me.
Being bullied has left me with some trust issues, but noting major, and for the most part I've worked through them. But the one part of my life I am still extremely careful is friendship.
I don't have loads of friends, but the friends I do have are worth their weight in gold. It's so rare to find genuine and caring friends in today's world.
I would rather have one good friend than ten friends who I can't rely on. Because frankly 'Friends' I've had in the past have turned on me and become people who have bullied me, or spread rumours or made me feel like a bad person.
Right now I am so happy with life in general! Yes I have bad days and yes there are things I would like to have done differently or change, but I don't get caught up on the small things. At the end of the day : life is too short!
When all is said and done you are worth a million of anyone who likes to put people down and make them feel horrible about themselves just to get their kicks.
So put that smile back on your face, hold your head high and concentrate on you!
No matter what you might think in the darkest hours of your darkest days as a bullying victim, there is always someone on your side.
And yes I can say that with 100% honesty because hey, here I am!
If you've been affected by any kind of bullying and are happy to share your story please do so!
And if not and you want someone to talk to but can't talk to those closest to you (I know how that feels) my door is always open!
Please don't suffer in silence! There is so much help and support available to you!
Sending loads of love! Hannah x
National bullying helpline : 0205520787
Bullying.co.uk : 0800202222